Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
