Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize