i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
