Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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