from now on my penis is your penis
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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