heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
