I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
