Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
