I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize