Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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