then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
