Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
