But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
