oh god the rape fog is back!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
