So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize