If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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