So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize