hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
