she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
