So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
