You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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