Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
