I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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