Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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