I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
