my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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