Define "chronic" masturbator.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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