yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
