Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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