I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
