At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
