my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
