I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
