Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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