My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
