just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
