There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
