is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize