Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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