That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
