Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
