I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I still have a little drunk in my system
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
