I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
