It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
