Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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