I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
