The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize