when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
