My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
me + whiskey = a bad person
Naked. naked and bneed help.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
