billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
