on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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