She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
