There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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