i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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