Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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