Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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