take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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