escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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