you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
