Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
