My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
