Dude my mom stole all your condoms
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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