Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
