My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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