Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
