Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
