just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
