Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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