You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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