My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
