I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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