uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
