If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
