A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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