I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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