i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
