I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
