i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
