I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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