Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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