mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
