Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
