it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
